also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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