it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
