Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
