I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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