Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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