there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
