she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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