Im at strip club and am horny
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
