I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
