I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
