I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
