mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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