i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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