I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We have so much sex to catch up on
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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