She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
