the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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