Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
