Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
