Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize