Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
