he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
