I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
