This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
