found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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