So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Randomize
