i permit you to call me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
