I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
