yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
