Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
