My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
