"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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