No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
