I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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