and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
