I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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