Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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