Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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