handjob tips. give me some.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize