Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A bitchslap is in order.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
