We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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