He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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