Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
