tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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