You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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