go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
