Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
