This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
