WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize