we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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