I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
