im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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