Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
