dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
