I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
