Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
