I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
