Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
