people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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