LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize