The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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