and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
