So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
