Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
