I just saw a hot homeless man
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
