Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
