Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
