Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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